I had a bloody awful drinking dream last night. It has been some time since I had one, but since I clambered out of bed this morning it has been replaying in my head and that isn't good.
So what was this dream then... okay here is the unlikely scenario... I was sat on a table in a very spartan room, just two tables in the room which was just a very grey plain room. The tables were black topped steel legged things. One table had two chairs - similar to the tables the other table had just one chair. I was sat at the table with one seat on my own. The other table was about 10 feet away at most. Sat there was Ewan McGregor and someone else - unknown, not relevant... I was just focused entirely on Ewan. Ewan and his buddy were having a whale of a time laughing, slapping on the back all the bonhomie stuff you'll be familiar with Ewan for if you've ever seen his travelogues on the bikes etc. They were drinking vodka, loads of the stuff. "Have another one, isn't this fun" type atmosphere. I was watching him crack the bottle open, pour a large tumbler full and down most of it in one gulp - and he'd have that huge McGregor grin on, like he is on top of the world, shining smiling eyes and all that. Another drink etc....
I was sat alone and miserable and wanted to join in the party. Now I know I was opening a bottle thinking it to be water but the cap was a vodka bottle cap not a water bottle cap... that is when I think I woke up. Whatever it was 4:45am and I was disturbed and didn't really go back to sleep at all as this was on the replay loop. Did I taste it? Did I drink it? Why would I want to drink it? And a dozen other questions flying around my head.... Never once did I think - "Ewan McGregor? What's that about?" Well I have now as I'm writing this.
Right - it is out now. I didn't physically take a drink, but you know sometimes with dreams like this it almost doesn't matter as you know your head was there in the dream in that space and for someone like me that was/is scary. I feel "wobbled" frankly, knocked off equilibrium a bit - not centered.
Lots of reasons no doubt, went to a meeting last night where there was a lot of talk about old drinking patterns, I'm only 5 days from my 8th sobriety anniversary, etc... these things happen - it was just a dream but at the moment it still doesn't feel to be "just" that.